The bomb my father dropped: #1000 Speak Guest Post

Today we resume our Guest Post series, with a stunning (and stunningly beautiful) story from Fiona Moore.

The bomb my father dropped

water drop

He’d eaten his last spoonful of dessert. My step mother was in the kitchen clearing dishes. It was time for the conversation I’d planned for.

Instantly my heart rate ramped up.

Conversation between us was still a shaky occurrence. The norm in my family had been silence; cold and tense. It was just one of the ways my father asserted his authority.

I was about to announce that I’d decided to resign from a steady, well paid job, to take temporary employment at a non profit organization and embark on professional training as an energy healer.

My body braced itself. This was not a conversation I anticipated going well. He was a rational, conservatively minded scientist who ridiculed anything ‘alternative’ or unscientific.

The idea that life energy could be harnessed to heal the mind and body was definitely outside his radar screen. I expected to be in trouble.

An uncharacteristic response

It took me four minutes or so to share my news. I tried not to be apologetic or defensive but some of that crept in as I spoke. I was dodging the bullets that surely would come because he was quick to shoot down anything he disapproved of.

But when I finished my last sentence I noticed there was a strange cease fire. My father hadn’t said a word. He had listened without interrupting.

I was surprised, and relived. And then the floor opened up.

Instead of accusing me of being irresponsible he turned to me and said “Well I have some news for you, too. I’ve got cancer and have only a few weeks left to live”.

Silence.

He’d been diagnosed with end stage stomach cancer. In a few days he was going to have radical surgery and his physician had advised him to take care of his affairs because his chance of his survival was minimal.

My head started to spin. I’d grown up mostly in fear of of my father. I loved the times he’d carry me on his shoulders and later, when I was older, patiently helped me with my physics homework. But I’d hated his sometimes cruel and domineering behavior.

Earlier that year I’d confronted him about his abuse and he’d surprised me with an admission of wrong doing. We had just begun to walk a new road of healing our relationship. What was I to do with this news?

And then came the bomb

My father’s declaration of his likely death barely had a chance to sink in because he carried on talking.

He told me how he’d spent thirty years of his life designing, testing, refining and installing nuclear warheads on deadly missiles. How his entire professional life had been dedicated to mastering the science of atomic energy for the purpose of killing.

And how, because his work was classified under the official secret act, he’d kept his career hidden.

I was stunned. Just like the cancer, I was hearing this for the first time. I’d grown up aware that his work involved submarines but that was about it.

Then, as he kept talking, it was as though we were transported to a higher plane.

He became poetic as he described his love and appreciation of energy. He spoke of the infinite and extra-ordinary power that raw energy holds.

I couldn’t take in his understanding of nuclear physics, but I didn’t need to.

I was received an invisible message.

His understanding of energy as a potential force to destroy life was translated deep in my cells. It activated my calling to become a healer; to preserve and make life sacred.

Quietly, as his secret unravelled his words became a confession. He wept silently. He poured out his shame. How he’d loved his work, loved his brilliant mind; but had burdened his heart by using his gifts for the purpose of building killing machines.

I listened with rapt attention and my heart opened to his. The man I’d known as unyielding and controlling was melted in front of me. He became like a young fragile bird that could be crushed with the brush of a hand.

Words then flowed from my heart about my awakening; about my ability to sense and engage with pure life energy to heal the body, mind and spirit. About my desire to use this knowledge to make a difference in the world. It was the perfect anti-dote to his shame.

In our tender timeless exchange our spiritual sight had opened up. We saw each other as perfect reflections of each other. No longer father, daughter, killer, healer; we were one movement of life becoming whole.

In this heightened state of awareness I ‘saw’ his higher soul self pass a baton, like in a relay race, to my higher self. His legacy was passed to me. My soul mission became clear. I was to redeem the karmic debt.

The seven year miracle

That my father survived another seven years was remarkable and is a story worth telling in itself, but the point for now is this:

In our world where conflict is ever more present; in our workplaces, dance halls, churches and schools. Healing begins not by closing our hearts. Not by pointing the finger at the so called enemy ‘out there’.

This conversation with my father brought home to me that human beings are highly complex. We have shadow and we have light. We are kind and mean, magnificent and stupid. And when we embrace all opposites in ourselves, we marry the darkness with the light and we heal; and then we see each other as precious reflections of each other, not separate but as One.

Let’s do this. Look deeply into your heart, and I’ll look deeply into mine. Let’s see the truth about ourselves and each other.

Let’s sit together and bring those difficult conversations to the table.

Let’s listen to each other with our heart, not our fear.

Let’s allow the energy of compassion to flow from your heart to mine, and from my heart to yours.

Let’s dissolve the barriers within us and without us for our combined heart to reveal and illuminate the pathway to a new world.

 

StillHeart Institute Photos by Doug EllisFiona Moore is a contemporary teacher of awakened living. She teaches how everything in life, including what we struggle with, is designed to open our heart for the power of love and compassion to reveal our wholeness.

She works with change agents, creatives, writers, spiritual seekers and practitioners to dissolve the inner blocks to living their hearts calling to make a difference in the world.

Fiona is dedicated to awakening the new paradigm in consciousness. Where our lives are no longer fueled by fear and competition, but are governed by love, service and peace.

You can find out more about Fiona’s work and subscribe to her newsletter; Heart Notes by visiting her website: www.FionaMoore.com

9 thoughts on “The bomb my father dropped: #1000 Speak Guest Post

  1. What an experience for you both! And how wonderful that your father opened up to you before it was too late — a blessing for you both.

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  2. I think it’s lovely that you and your dad shared this moment – even though it had to be scary and painful (on both sides). What a gift that he lived for another seven years!

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  3. What an incredible transformation you saw in your father, Fiona. Thanks so much for sharing it. I live with a fairly nasty auto-immune disease. Although I’m in remission at the moment, I had chemo a few years ago and have notice a change in my outlook since then. It’s hard to put it into words but I’ve heard people joke about time travel and what if not all of you comes back and it feels a bit like that. That I’m on another plane. Things which were important to me before aren’t so important anymore. Even before that, I saw humanity as one. It’s a great place for me to be in but a bit frustrating when dealing with others who are still caught up in the rat race and can’t see beyond it.
    Take care xx Rowena

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  4. For the past week, I have been thinking about light and shadow. You express the essence of what’s been churning inside me beautifully:

    “We have shadow and we have light. We are kind and mean, magnificent and stupid. And when we embrace all opposites in ourselves, we marry the darkness with the light and we heal; and then we see each other as precious reflections of each other, not separate but as One.”

    Yes!!! I keep perceiving the two sides of the coin, and wondering what’s in the middle. Thank you for sharing your story, and for healing with words.

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